there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
