Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
