I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
