He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
