Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
