I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
