no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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