girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
