Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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