I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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