We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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