My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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