i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
