You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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