the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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