This is not my ceiling
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
