Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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