She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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