Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
