Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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