Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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