we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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