Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
