You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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