They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
