We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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