If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
