Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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