If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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