You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
