I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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