I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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