I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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