the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
