I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
