Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday