sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
