u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him