Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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