You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
