Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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