the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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