Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
