i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that