We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.