I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..