Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma