We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.