he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck