Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.

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(609): My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well. http://tfl.nu/p8ga

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(510): View more from California

I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.

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(510): I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK. http://tfl.nu/4l82

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(804): View more from Virginia

I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.

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(804): I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection. http://tfl.nu/8k0m

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.

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(413): I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified. http://tfl.nu/41hb

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(702): View more from Nevada

whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

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(702): whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want http://tfl.nu/m1hp

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(404): View more from Georgia

On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse

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(404): On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse http://tfl.nu/4mlr

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.

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(502): I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean. http://tfl.nu/5uk0

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

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(262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.

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(978): This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke. (1-978): Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting. http://tfl.nu/cqts

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(714): View more from California

I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.

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(714): I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year. http://tfl.nu/qsqv

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(757): View more from Virginia

Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.

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(757): Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today. http://tfl.nu/c0a7

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(502): View more from Kentucky

got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.

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(502): got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood. http://tfl.nu/bzvq

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(209): View more from California

I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

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(209): I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good. http://tfl.nu/spab

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.

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(724): I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over. http://tfl.nu/3u0b

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(613): View more from Ontario

NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER

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(613): NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER http://tfl.nu/1x2h

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