hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
