Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
