I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
