Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
