You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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