she was so not down for the gang bang
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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