Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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