From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
