ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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