Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
