I'm jealous of your bromance
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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