You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
