I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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