Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
