just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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