we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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