I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
