if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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