this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
