He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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