hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
