Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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