the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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