This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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