wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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