Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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