problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
