last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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