she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
